This beach destination is the opposite of the calm couple and family orientated beach of Lamai. Well, that guy (our friend) did call it the “Bangkok of Koh Samui”. He was not wrong, but he was not right either. It’s not that extreme just more people, resorts, younger party vibe, bigger beach, more stores, more bars, just more and we don’t mind at all.

Laura and I have been exceptionally lucky in the restaurants and coffee spots so far, not a bad experience to report, no illness (touch wood), no great disappointments, straight up lucky. However, after an early tuk tuk over the hill to Chaweng our desperate search for an iced coffee spot in our new beach town ended in the rash decision to settle on Mambo. I wouldn’t call myself a qualified restaurant reviewer, coffee connoisseur or a hospo expert (or would I..) but if you ever go to Chaweng, DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT, go to Mambo. The staff are rude and pushy and their coffee is awful. It was disappointing. We were so disappointed we tried to tell the head waitress, politely of course. She got very defensive, confrontational and suggested she call the cops. Woah that escalated unnecessarily quickly. So we paid, left and went to Black Canyon Coffee, a chain store, which was cheaper and delicious. Take that Mambo.
Said coffee, eugh:

Our first Chaweng beach visit was also quite opposite to Lamai, other than the bigger beach the sea was all massive breakers and not much else, with a pretty decent undertow too. Much like a choppy NZ beach but not so enjoyable (this may have been due to the thunder storm). We’d strolled along the beach in the morning taking in all the bars, resorts and the buzzing beach front but deferred our swim to the afternoon. No idea why I didn’t take a photo of the ocean, would have been insta worthy, but I did get a photo of this puffer fish. How cool is that?

Also, here’s a kid asleep in the shade behind the beach, holiday parenting 101.

When we finally decided to swim off some of the days heat, Laura lasted 5 minutes in the surf before she got fed up with having to jump every wave and the corresponding bikini adjustment that ensued and I decided to stay in for a couple more waves for cheap thrills before following suit. I’m so glad I made this decision, as just when I was turning to head in I noticed a teenage Thai girl being pulled out in the surf and waves crashing over her head. I yelled to her and she stared and me pleading and struggling. I managed to swim out to her, hook my arm around her and drag her to shore, all while waves crashed over us. I’m a strong ish swimmer but in that surf with her boyfriend nearby just looking and not answering my plees for help, I was struggling when we got to shore. Luckily Laura had wondered where I was and ran down when she saw us come to shore to help carry her up the beach. I quickly ran to get water and ask for help (no one responded) and Laura sat with her as she coughed up water and her boyfriend and 2 friends just hung around, laughed and lit up a cigarette, not taking the situation seriously at all. She couldn’t walk, was hyperventilating and couldn’t understand English very well. We managed to get her boyfriend to carry her to their mat, drape his tee-shirt over her shoulders as we put her into recovery position. She was not in good shape. No matter how hard we tried he kept insisting she was fine and didn’t need the hospital… Though she began slipping in and out of consciousness, not really responding to voices and deteriorating. In my desperation I may have said “if you love your girlfriend you can’t leave her like this!!” Low card but we were getting desperate. After Laura and I had run up and down the beach a few times looking for a nurse, doctor or anyone, we didn’t get anything (even from staff) and responses like “no lifeguard” or “don’t know number”. Finally, we found someone willing to translate. The man managed to relay the seriousness of her having water in her lunges and her state and they agreed to take her to the hospital, which was lucky as her hands were getting cold very quickly. After an eternity, her friends were carrying her up the beach. We decided not to hang around either, we were both in shock and the beach not surprisingly lost it’s charm. We watched from afar as all 4 of them piled on the scooter, supporting the young girl and hopefully headed for the hospital. One man who had been near the scene had followed them up the beach to ensure they went off ok, we said thanks it was reassuring we weren’t the only concerned ones and without that translator we’re not sure what we would have done! I think we did the best we could in the situation and I’d hope it’s how anyone would respond if they found themselves in a similar predicament. I’m so glad I stayed in the water a minute longer and that Laura was there to help, all we can do now is hope she got to the hospital and the medical attention she needs. Oh and have a drink, we needed a drink.

If you’re ever here after a storm or heavy rain please be so careful swimming! Laura and I were lucky to have been brought up in a country where learning basic life saving and swimming was compulsory and big breakers were common but I doubt many other people on that beach, many being European, had- hence the stares. Laura and I didn’t really know 100% what to do but knew we needed to do something! No one said anything to us during or after either, I think that’s what disappointed us the most. The other tourists responses to two visibly distressed girls trying to help another was nada, zip, nothing just looks before returning back to their towels. Though, when we left most others around us starting packing up, guess the beach lost it’s charm for them too.
(Nb. this was rather hard to write, you kind of had to be there in the moment).
And that my friends was the suspense story you’d been waiting for.

The next day we opted for a break from the island, an adventure and also so we would have something to recommend to our friends and family do that we’d done on the island other than eat and drink fruit shakes. Ahoy! We boarded a boat a day trip around the greater Samui Islands to see the Mue Koh Anthong National Park, snorkelling and kayaking included. The hotel reception wasn’t fond of the early pick up…

The boat hosted 50 others supplied us with a light breakfast (especially light for glutards) and we were off.

This all took about an hour and we boarded longboats ashore. We’d changed into our togs but others were so prepared to the unmentioned soggy dismount. They don’t have a pier here…

You had the option on arrival of swimming/sunbathing, snorkelling or climbing the hill (cliff??).

We chose to climb the hill. Why? Well because experiencing hot yoga on steroids at 40 degrees and you’re actually doing aerobics sort of sweat experience is our sort of activity and the view was amazing and also the snorkelling looked crap as the water was merky (Koh Toa is where you go for that) and lying in the sun for an hour just doesn’t compare. Thankfully we were all in it together and had committed to getting to the 500m summit. The rocks were slippery and the ropes were necessary to hoist yourself up so we were pretty stoked for the sturdy footwear.

This climb was not for your average joe, but if you’re an average joe and make it to the top, it’s totally worth it!

Just two average joes at the top.

There’s stop offs at 100m, 250m and 350m for the faint hearted too.

Back aboard the long boats before the storm sets in. We literally stepped back onto the boat for lunch (I was ol lucky last) before the pouring rain began.

We played this perfectly, rain stopped, hopped into kayaks around to the green lagoon. We had a no pants party, everyone was invited (your invite was lost in the mail though).

This was a fantastic day made all the more fantastic by a lovely English couple, meet Jenny and David, who promptly adopted Laura and I as their new step daughters and bought us ice cream!! (Or ice tea for lactards like me). They were a hoot, had some great stories from previous travels and family and made the whole day just that bit more enjoyable. One of my favourite parts of travel and the bonus of accommodation in Bristol.

Another un-purchased souvenir, at least we’ll look nice on the photographers wall in his creepy garage.

After a very successful day I treated myself by purchasing a Moncler Down Coat as I hear that’s what people do on tropical islands, no?
This Moncler coat was legit, I’d googled it, it’s down, snug, has “authentication” tags and will keep me alive in japan. The guy gave me his best price straight up (3000baht less), not asking, much as the girl had the night before when me and coat had first met, he also wouldn’t budge. Who on earth when bartering gives their best price straight up? This man could have benefitted from my bartering 101 class, as follows; He should have gone a grand higher I would have gone a grand lower we would have met in the middle at his best price, I would have been satisfied in bartering he would have been satisfied as he got me to his ‘best price’ but still he made a killing. (I don’t know how to punctuate the last sentence so I’m going to leave it as ramblings). Instead, he opted for the ‘I starve’ and I opted for the ‘best price for me, you give that best price to everyone’ and in my head I was like ‘no sir you have a nice shop,with glass doors selling Abercrombie & Fitch, D&G and Moncler, I starve!’ And I actually probably will now but at least I’ll be snug as I starve. I’m going to pretend it’s real so New Yorkers are all like ‘Oooh you have new season Moncler’ as they see me stroll down the avenues devouring their lunch with my eyes as I can’t afford to eat it. All for the love of a coat.
I digress, the point is that I managed to get a down jacket on an island that’s 28 degrees at night, so you can stop worrying about how I’ll survive in minus 15 degrees Japan. Your worrying was much appreciated.

Chiang Mai here we come!
We had a slip of carbon receipt paper, because that’s how they do it over here, that read “pick up Art hotel to Surat Tani 6:30am 10/1/15”, it’s a taxi-ferry-bus and we had no idea who, what, when, where just the hope that the other part of our receipt had been faxed off (they still do that here it’s a wonderful communication technique). It was 7am and we were still in our hotel foyer, not freaking out just mildly worried and then the van turned up. Fewf. This paper worked a charm, we were on an old school ferry then double Decker bus in not time. I have no idea how they manage to communicate via carbon paper but this country has it down pat.

PS. Anyone want some new Wills & Kate China? I hear they’re engaged?

PPS. According to the market vendor this Tiffany & Co. Stock is real, so if you’ve heard of a heist at T&C this ladies you’re most wanted. You can thank me later CIA. Otherwise, head to Chaweng for all the deals but I can’t guarantee you won’t be disappointed.

Thanks for making it to the end, we’re safe and loving Chiang Mai,
Ciao!
Xx